blogging · Glee · heaven · Michele · Music · reading · Sherlock Holmes · teenage behavior · writing

Talk Nerdy To Me

Let’s talk about nerd-dom. My nerdiness. It’s my blog, nobody reads it but me, I’ll talk about what I want, and you can’t do a thing to stop me, nyah-nyah-nyah. I can write all about how I spend way too much time reading Drarry fanfiction, or watching Glee (or listening to music from Glee while reading Drarry stories–that’s the best!), and nobody would care! Ah, the joys of the internet.

tumblr_m4lozoOdM21rv6s6lo1_500But first, I must point out that I am not a geek, or a dork. A geek is smart enough to create and fix things like computers, etc., and I am not. A dork doesn’t really get anything. A nerd both understands and is into really cool stuff. That’s me.

Yes, I do enjoy Harry Potter fanfiction, and I do not care if you think that makes me a nerd, because I embraced my nerdiness way back in Junior High when I sang a Barry Manilow song in front of the entire school. Yes, I am THAT big a nerd. I am a Barry Manilow-loving, Doctor Who-watching, Firefly-missing, Sherlock-worshipping, fanfiction-reading, nerd. And I am damn proud of it. In some respects, I guess this makes me a hipster, because I was dorky long before it was cool, and I was happy being this way. I’ve never really wanted to be anything but who I am.

In high school, I had good friends, and while we weren’t the popular crowd, we got along with everyone, and we had a ton of fun. We were primarily choir and theater geeks, and most of us made good grades as well. At the time I thought we were all staying away from drugs and alcohol, although I know now that wasn’t true for all of us; either way, we had a lot of fun just being totally stupid, as teenagers tend to do. I never remember wanting to be any “cooler” than we were; I thought we were fabulous then, and I still do. Mostly. Except for the friend I’ve since discovered was stoned pretty much since eighth grade. That just pisses me off, although it does explain a bit about him.

In college, it was pretty much the same. Weird friends, just older. Different states, different things, and eventually, a bit of that alcohol. Either way, we were all some kind of misfit toy, and it worked.

Anyway. All these years later, even with Michele gone, I am still listening to Barry, still spending most of my Friday nights watching bad movies and occasionally eating pizza. Not the same movie anymore, thank god. And nobody will let me get Hawaiian pizza anymore, which is okay, since I’ve had my fill.

I’m still a nerd. If I had friends nearby, I’m sure we’d be sitting around a coffee shop somewhere, laughing until one of us spit coffee out our nose. Heaven for me will involve lots of time in cozy cafes with Michele, Elissa, Louis, Doug, Andy, Demere, Marina, Christopher, Lori & Don, Marty, Eric, Kathy, Karen, Leslie, Kenny, Wes, Teri, Monica, Fay, and so many more. Lots of time just being nerdy with the friends I love.

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Colorado · Facebook · finances · goals · Portland · resolve · seizures · writing

First Step

After months of being unsure about what to do with the next in my life, a Facebook post on conversation with an old friend has clarified some things. I know what I’m doing next. Kind of.

Yesterday, my friend Elissa, who I’ve known since wee both were students at what was then Mesa College in our hometown of Grand Junction,  posted that she’s thinking of opening a school. After five years of saying no to God’s prodding, she’s saying yes. She called, and we talked about it, and about the possibilities of my joining her in this venture (along with the reasons for the school, which I won’t get into, because that’s her story, not mine), and somehow, we got into a discussion about my returning to school for my Master’s degree.

I have a BA in English, and a few years ago, right after my divorce, I began classes for the graduate program in Early Childhood Education at Portland State University. I enjoyed the classes, but I was very nervous about taking the test required for actual admittance, and my financial aid was shaky. So I quit. (I’ve quit a lot of things in my life; it’s a pattern I’m not proud of, one I’m trying to change.)

I always loved being in school, and I miss it. If you look at my college transcripts, that’s obvious: I studied at three different schools, changed my major a number of times, and took ten years to finally graduate! Then I took courses at two community colleges later!  Up until the last four years, I’d spent most of my life in a classroom of some sorts, either as a student or a teacher. No wonder I’ve felt so lost these last few years; I’ve away from my native soil!

With a Master’s degree in ECE, and all my years of teaching experience, I could qualify as a Director of a preschool, which would be pretty nifty. I’ve not made a decision yet what degree to pursue, just that I’m going to do it.It’s at least the beginning of a plan. Taking a step forward in my life, even if it’s a baby step.And oddly enough, I’m not scared at all this time.

God will put me where He wants me to be, doing what He wants me to do. I’ve always believed He had a plan for me, that He was watching over me for some reason, and I’m pretty sure that sitting in this chair watching Golden Girls reruns isn’t it. He kept me safe – well, alive, anyway – through all those seizures, and accidents caused by seizures – car accidents, falls in the shower, tumbles down stairs,  all that crap –  and I don’t think it was so I could end up sitting around, doing nothing, wishing for a different life, making no impact on the world around me, or even the world within me. He didn’t create me to be this barren landscape.