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There’s a moment.

Jenny just said pretty much everything I’ve been wanting to say this week. Right now I’m having a difficult time remembering that there is light on the other side, that things will be better, that it won;t always hurt this much. And I appreciate that I am not the only one trudging. Wait for me, please?

The Bloggess

Several weeks ago I had surgery to stitch up a hernia in my stomach.  It was supposed to be very simple but the recovery for me was horrific.  Worse than labor, or gallbladder surgery, or stepping on a floor made of loose LEGOs.  I had complications and developed a seroma, which is a “tumor-like collection of serum from damaged blood and lymphatic vessels after significant tissue disruption or trauma.”  It sounds worse than it is but it hurts like a bastard and I’d end each day exhausted and teary and unable to take complete breaths without flinching.  I might need more work done to fix it but they often go away on their own so my doctor decided to wait.  So we’ve been waiting.  And this weekend I was able to walk around and leave the house.  And Monday I could sit up from laying down without wanting to scream.  And Tuesday…

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Bones · Uncategorized · writing

Getting To Know Me…

Recently I came across this list of questions on a blog, and decided to post them, and their answers, simply because I like talking about myself, and can never do it enough!

Getting to know me:

  1.  What time did you get up this morning?  I woke up around 7, the first time, and went back to sleep, finally getting out of bed just before 10.
  2.  How do you like your steak? Rare, with A-1!
  3.  What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Magic Mike!
  4.  What is your favorite TV show? Tie between True Blood, Sherlock & Bones. Although I’ve not watched Bones at all this season…
  5.  If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? I’d love to live on a Coast, near the ocean. Always been my dream. Or back in New Mexico.
  6.  What did you have for breakfast? Today was a strange day: I had tuna & Triscuits for breakfast, and my smoothie for lunch.
  7. What is your favorite cuisine? Toss up between Chinese/Asian and Italian, depending on my mood.
  8.  What foods do you dislike?  “Goopy” foods, like potato salad, coleslaw- almost anything mayonnaise based. My mother apparently makes great potato salad, and always asks if I want some. 46 years, and I’ve always said “EWW, gross, no!!” You think she’d stop asking.
  9. Favorite Place to Eat? Olive Garden, or the Tik Tok Diner.
  10.  Favorite dressing? real Cesar dressing.
  11.  What kind of vehicle do you drive? I don’t drive anymore: my last car was a Honda Accord. My dream car would either be something retro, like a ’57 Chevy, or something small & green, like a mini Cooper or a Bug. Painted a fabulous color, of course!
  12. What are your favorite clothes?  Comfort is my watch word–I love yoga pants, leggings, tee shirts, big sweaters, cardigans and fuzzy socks.
  13.  Where would you visit if you had the chance? The Smithsonian & The Library of Congress. London and Paris. EVERYWHERE!
  14.  Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Full…
  15.  Where would you want to retire?  The beach…
  16. Favorite time of day? I rock 11:45 a.m. like nobody’s business!
  17. Where were you born? Custer, South Dakota. My dad always tells me I was the cutest baby in the hospital. Then someone points out that I was the only baby in the hospital…
  18.  What is your favorite sport to watch?  Um…men’s figure skating.
  19.  Bird watcher? Not really, although I’d love to see the California Condors in the wild.
  20.  Are you a morning person or a night person? Neither one.
  21.  Do you have any pets? MissGoogle, my adorable kitty.
  22.  Any new and exciting news you’d like to share? Cleaned my room…
  23. What did you want to be when you were little?  Cher, or a teacher. I got to be a teacher. Maybe someday I’ll be Cher.
  24.  What is your best childhood memory?  In the back seat of our station wagon at night, Jolene asleep beside me, Mom at the wheel, watching the stars out the window as we drove down the highway, the radio playing softly, as we drove to South Dakota for our summer vacation. I always felt so safe and happy then.
  25.  Are you a cat or dog person? Cat.
  26.  Are you married? Not anymore.
  27.  Always wear your seat belt? Yep. Saved my life once.
  28.  Been in a car accident? A few, caused by my epilepsy. This is why I don’t drive anymore.
  29.  Any pet peeves?  I am so easily irritated, it isn’t even funny…. But big ones are spitting (gross);  people who misuse “you’re” & “your” “their” & “they’re”; and leaf blowers.
  30.  Favorite Pizza Toppings? Bacon.
  31.  Favorite Flower? Tulips and roses
  32. Favorite Ice cream? Almost anything…all ice cream is good! Strawberry cheesecake, pb fudge, and pralines & cream!
  33. Favorite fast food restaurant? Jack In the Box, or Burgerville, if I’m feeling flush!
  34.  Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Assuming I don’t have to pay the bill, Powell’s Books, or maybe Macy’s.
  35.  Broccoli? Roasted broccoli with garlic salt is one of my favorite things!
  36.  What was your favorite vacation? Visiting Michele in Toronto. Also my saddest…
  37.  Last person you went out to dinner with? Charlie, my ex-husband & friend.
  38.  What are you listening to right now?  The Color Purple Soundtrack
  39.  What is your favorite color? purple & blue.
  40.  How many tattoos do you have? None, yet.
  41. Coffee Drinker?  Oh, yes. I tried to give it up, but I’m weak…
  42. What is your job title?  Early Childhood Educator; reader; blogger; sister; aunt; daughter; friend; Queen of Procrastination.
  43.  What do you do all day?  Read, surf the web, hang out with my family, play with MissGoogle, watch tv, attempt to better myself, read some more. Listen to music. Eat.  
  44. What is your favorite thing to do with your time?  READ.
  45.  What book should everyone read?  I’ll give ya four: The Color Purple, by Alice Waters; Welcome To The Great Mysterious by Lorna Landvik (also read Patty Jane’s House of Curl, by her!); Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry; and A Prayer For Owen Meany by John Irving.
  46.  What movie should every one watch?  Some Like It Hot. Marilyn Monroe, Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis.
  47. What is your credo?  “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well”. -Mark Twain
Internet · Music · Uncategorized

Dancing Fools

 

No reason for this post, really, other than these make giggle. I’ve come across several gifs lately that I quite enjoy, and decided to share.

dancing hugh

There are dozens of these “single ladies” out there, and I wanted to share a couple with you all. allthesinglesherlocks singlechandler triosingles downton singles hungersingles  1380112087587669453

Everybody dance now!everybodydancenow footloose

 

Okay, this image of dancing Harry Potter is one of my favorites. I wished there was also a Draco to go with it, and then discovered there is an entire video, called Dance Dance Potter Revolution! Makes me happy in such a stupid way.DANCE_DANCE_HARRY_POTTER_by_ZombieOwl

Because I’m obsessive, I spent several hours (read: DAYS) looking at gifs, and even found websites where I could make my own, so of course I did.  (I have nothing but time on my hands, people.)

Twist like Travolta, baby.

twist

Some Like It Hot is my all-time favorite movie, and this tango is awesome.
tango

 

I hope these guys are dancing together in heaven!ChrisFarleyDance2 (1)

 

Carlton rocks. carlton dances

As does Cap’n Tightpants. Dancingmal

He’s The Doctor. Of course he can dance!

icandance

 

Still one of the best movies ever. breakfastclubtabledancing

Johnny Bravo and PeeWee have more in common than we knew. johnnybravopeewee

Go, Farmer Ted. He blows my mind. Farmer-Ted-and-Samantha-gif-sixteen-candles-21202083-473-232

 

There’s an entire Tumblr dedicated to Chandler dancing on things, but this is better. turkey-on-head

 

Mr Noodle, and his brother, Mr Noodle, from Sesame Street. They groove, man. NoodleFamily Dance

And because I am obsessive, and because I found a way to make my own gifs, I give you  Dance Dance Draco!

Dance Dance Draco

 

Enjoy my silliness.

 

idiocy · insomnia · medication · pain · RLS · stupid · Uncategorized

The Stupid Burns

Ugh.

It’s been a rough week. I went to see a new primary care doctor just over a week ago, and really liked him. He addressed the issues that the doctor I was leaving refused to look at– insomnia & RLS– and was nice on the eyes. Plus, he did not once tell me I’d sleep better if I got more exercise, or tell me I need to lose weight. He gave me some new meds, and increased the dosage on my RLS med. I was happy.

The problems began the next day. I wasn’t sure if I’d picked up a stomach bug, or if I was having a reaction to on of the meds, but I felt horrible. Stomach cramps, pain, the whole nine yards. By Thursday, I was begging my sister to kill me, but she refused, damn her.

Over the weekend, I went back to the lower dose of the RLS meds, and suddenly *** angels singing *** I was better! Last night, I took the higher dose, and this morning, I’m dying again. UGH.

So, I’ve now spent all this time being absolutely miserable for no reason whatsoever. Could have fixed it at any time. Not only am I in pain, but I’m too stupid to figure out why.

thestupiditburns

 

Uncategorized

If I’d only known…

Wow. If I’d known that my simple little post on fan-fiction would get me nearly 50 comments or followers in 24 hours, I’d have written it sooner!

Honestly, I was hesitant to post anything about my lurve of ff, since people either seems to understand & agree, or make fun of it. My sister (who is her own type of geek, being addicted to any television show about aliens, Bigfoot, or alien Sasquatch), thinks I’ve lost my mind, and does not hesitate to laugh at me. Although I imagine she’d be thrilled if I gave her some X-Files or Supernatural stories. Hmmm…I wonder if there’s Bigfoot fan-fiction?

Anyway, thanks for the love, folks, and I’ll continue to post. I’m putting together a list of some of my favorites, to share the luv.

Untitled-1

Uncategorized

An Anniversary

It’s been two years this week since I escaped. That sounds dramatic, as if I busted out of Alcatraz, or fled a Soviet Bloc nation or something, but it’s how I feel. In March of 2012 I was living in Vancouver with S., although it didn’t seem like living, really. The walls were closing in; isolation, pain, fear, and anger were my constant companions.

This week I heard from yet another family member how glad they are that I didn’t marry S., because they really didn’t like him, or the way he treated me. While I agree wholeheartedly with this, I do wish that these people had said something then, rather than waiting. I’ve made my sister, Jolene, swear to me that, on the off-chance I ever date again, she’ll be honest about any of my beaus she might meet.

It would be easy to blame everything that went wrong on S, and I’d be happy to do that. But I won’t. It was my fault, too, because I am a woman with a brain, and I made the decisions to move in with him, to stay for much too long, and to let him get away with way too much. For that, I blame myself. Looking back, I am astounded at my own actions. I’ve never allowed anyone to boss me around, yet somehow I willingly let him control so much of my life without even questioning. From how much money I could spend (which makes no sense, because it was MY money we were living on), to when we visited my family, to even my clothing choices sometimes. A few other things that I will never speak of to anyone, other than to say I’d like to kick his ass from here to Texas and back every time I think about them.

One of the most annoying things he did was taking me to the grocery store with a huge list, and then staying in the car, and telling me I had twenty minutes to get everything done. Ever tried to get through Costco in 20 minutes? Not possible. He left once, leaving me stranded in the parking lot for nearly an hour before he decided to come back and get me. And he expected me to apologize for not being on time.

You have to realize, I was trapped. I don’t drive, and bus service in Vancouver sucks, so I was dependent on him for transportation. If I wanted to go to the library, or just get out of the house, I needed him. And he liked it that way. The only reasons I ever walked the dog were because she & I both needed to get out of that teeny tiny apartment, get some freedom. Even after she pulled me down the stairs, and nearly dislocated my arm, I still walked her. She was his dog, and yet I walked her every day, because he wouldn’t. Stupid man, and dumb dog.

He is still the only person to ever make me feel stupid, simply by the way he talked down to me. That probably makes me angrier than anything else. If there is one thing I know about myself, it is this: I am NOT a stupid person. There are areas I know very little about, or don’t do well in (maths, or sports, and I’m not great at technology), but I am a pretty smart girl. Two college degrees to my name, and I’ve read at least two books a week since I was old enough to hold a book (talking big books, here). So when he, who never actually reads, tried to tell me things, like what “Lord of The Rings” is about, or how the Baz Luhrmann movie version of Romeo and Juliet is better than Shakespeare’s version, I wanted to scream. And when he began “writing,” telling me he was going to be the next J K Rowling, I was stunned. Then livid, because he basically just stole ideas from movies and television shows he’s seen, stuck them together and believes he’s a great writer. One whose never read any of the novels he’s stealing. But try telling him that.

The last straw for me came two years ago this week. We’d been fighting all the time. I was stressed, knowing that in Toronto, Michele was in hospital, and was unlikely to come out. One morning, I spoke to her mother on the phone, and after, was sitting on the sofa, cradling my cup of coffee, trying not to cry, when he looked at me and said “What is wrong with you?” He’d heard the entire conversation, so he knew; but I answered him, telling him I was sad. He glared at me. Then, he rose and walked past me, and smacked the bottom of my coffee cup, just as I’d put it to my mouth. The rim hit my front tooth, chipping it, and cup my lip. I looked up at him, bleeding, covered in spilled coffee, and he just grinned at me and walked away. I was done. Called my sister to come and get me, packed a bag, and left. I’ve never been sorry.

Now, two years later, I’m here, in my parents house, and while I may not have the grand life I’d like, I’m not scared, or angry. Yes, I’m a bit isolated, but that is something I am working on fixing. I am aware of the fact that he denies all of these things; as far as he is concerned, he was an angel, and I destroyed his life. Whatever.

Freedom comes at a price. I’ve spent the last two years battling fear, depression, and anxiety, not to mention heartache and anger. I’m still not sure I’ll ever be able to trust any man again, or if I even want to try. Emotions, at least those involved in relationships, don’t come easily to me anymore. My scars run deep, and may never be healed. And dammit, I have a chipped tooth, too. But freedom is still sweet. Happy anniversary to me.