anti-depressant · books · celebrity · Major Depression · Mental Health Issues

So Much More

“There’s so much more to a book than just reading.”  -Maurice Sendak

My life has revolved around books, in some way, shape, or form, for as long as I can remember, and so when I came across this quote today, it struck me as especially true. Books have been my self-medication, that drug I turn to, reading until the pain is numbed or the anger faded; my anchor, helping to keep me calm in stormy seas; my inspiration, showing me that the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t neccessarily a train (and if it is, teaching me how to avoid being run down!). Books continue to show me that I am not alone, and for that reason alone, I will never give up reading.

I am still fighting darkness, and this week, a book gave me some words I desperately needed. I began reading

Asylum: Hollywood Tales from My Great Depression: Brain Dis-Ease, Recovery, and Being My Mother’s Son

by Joe Pantoliano, the actor best known for his role on The Sopranos (although I remember him primarily as Guido in Risky Business, this is how old I am!). I haven’t made it past the introduction yet, and already, I’m reading parts of this book to family and friends, and writing a post about it. This man, who has struggled his entire life with depression, ADHD, and for years never knew what was really wrong, has put my feelings into words so eloquently, so perfectly, I can’t talk about it without crying. As he discusses his brain disease, and the battles against the stigma of mental illness, he writes this, which is where I began to bawl:

“Louis B Mayer once said ‘The most important thing about acting is sincerity….Once you learn to fake that, you got it made.’ That’s what my depression felt like- like I was faking it. Faking sincerity. Faking serenity. Faking life.” (p. 224) Faking it is what I’ve been doing my entire life, it seems, but Joe finally put it into words.

There is much, much more to this book, and I know I’ll have a whopper of a review for you all once I finish it. But right now, I just had to say that I have never been so glad I chose a book at the time I did.

By the way, I am beginning a new antidepressant tomorrow, (saw Dr Jeff today), and have a referral to a therapist, so with any luck, we’ll get some of this darkness cleared away for good. Or at least find a nice storage facility for it.

RiffleFriendsBooks

book reviews · books · celebrity

Dream A Little Dream of Corey

I graduated from high school in 1986, and was surrounded by the films of the Brat Pack & the Coreys, and was part of the very first MTV generation. I wanted to read Corey Feldman’s memoir from the moment I heard he was writing one; it did not disappoint. Nobody expected great literature, but he has delivered a true and occasionally wrenching portrait of his life in Hollywood.

The death of Corey Haim was a heartbreaker, and after reading Corey Feldman’s tale of his friend’s abuse & molestation, the drug use makes much more sense. I watched both of their earlier movies (Stand By Me, The Goonies, Dream a Little Dream, Lost Boys, and my personal favorite, The ‘Burbs) fondly, but never saw an episode of “The Two Corey’s,” the semi-reality television show they eventually made together. And I am glad. Watching The Surreal Life was bad enough–one can only take so much of fallen idols.

Feldman’s relationship with Michael Jackson is discussed, of course, and is yet another heartbreaker. As with so many of the children who were Michael’s friend, Corey Feldman has always maintained that Jackson never abused him in any way, and was a model of good behavior. But the media twisted his words, and destroyed one of the few friendships Corey had with an adult, causing him and Jackson to stop speaking for years before Michael’s death.
Corey Feldman is a strong man to have survived the crazy abusive parents, molestation and drug abuse he has been through, things that killed so many of his friends. He’s now sober, a father (and, it seems, a pretty good one!), musician, still working as an actor. Best of all, he is doing his best to change the way children are treated in Hollywood.

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Oh, by the way: I always thought it was a shame that the press never reported the truth about Corey Haim’s death. He did not die from an overdose. The autopsy showed he had pneumonia, and an enlarged heart. The only drugs found in his system were over the counter cold meds. He’d been clean, and sober, and was trying to get his life back on track, helping his mother who was going through chemo. Corey truly died of natural causes.

 

 

 

Bones · books · Dexter · epilepsy · Harry Potter · migraine · seizures · Sherlock Holmes · True Blood

Blah Blah Blah

It’s been a painful week for me. Since last Monday afternoon, I’ve had neck pain, sore shoulders, and increasing headache pain. From the basic dull ache at the base of my skull (which always comes with that sore neck), to a series of intense stabbing pains. This afternoon I felt as if someone was repeatedly piercing my temple with a red-hot ice pick. I’ve spent hours days curled up under my quilt in bed, all the lights off, praying for the pain to go away. Never have I been so thankful for my sleep mask and ear plugs, because lights, and the sound of sports from my father’s television, have nearly killed me. And then, Sunday night, around 10:30, I had a seizure. First one since February. Which means that after that, I had a bigger headache, my tongue hurts where I bit it, and I’m tired. As well, I am sore all over; my legs hurt the most, and just moving kills.

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So. Instead of spending this week helping Charlie move into his new apartment, like I had planned, I’m sitting here in my room, watching television, eating jello. Reading. Right now I’m waiting for the season premiere of one of my favorite shows to begin on TNT. Rizzoli & Isles is a crime drama based on a book series, as most of my favorites are. I’d read all of the books by Tess Gerritsen, long before the show began.

Most of my favorite shows are based on books. Sherlock. True Blood. Dexter. Bones (although I don’t care for the books).  My favorite movies, too. Cold Comfort Farm. The Color Purple.  Bridget Jones Diary. The Harry Potter films. Sense and Sensibility. And Pride and Prejudice. Oh, and To Kill A Mockingbird!

Yes, I’m babbling. So what. Go read a book if you don’t like it. Or watch a television show based on one.

addiction · apps · audio books · books · ebooks · fanfiction · hoarders · Internet · reading

It’s Not Hoarding if They’re eBooks, Right?

hoardingbooks

If Hoarders ever decides to do a show on people who have too many books, they’d over look me, because, really, my library of “real” books isn’t that big. Comparatively speaking, that is. Not nearly big enough to land me a spot on a show like that. My ebook library, on the other hand, is getting out of control.

I’m fairly sure that I have at least 150 unread books on my Kindle app. Then there are the ones on Aldiko, Google Books, Moon+Reader, and  OverDrive. We won’t even mention the dozens of fanfiction books/stories lurking about my tablet, or the audiobook waiting to be listened to. And I’m not counting the things I HAVE read. 
Except for those things I’ve read before in a paper version, all of these are new to me. I’m addicted to free book sites, and some days, spend more time searching out free things to download than I do reading. It’s distressing. unable

 

Now, this is not to say I don’t read at all, because we all know that isn’t true. I’m halfway through an odd book called Ketchup Clouds by Annabel Pitcher.

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It’s a YA novel about a teen girl writing to a man on death row, and confessing all her dark secrets to him. Twisted. Just my style.

 

 

 

apps · books · ebooks · fanfiction · Internet · reading

Save Your Fanfiction!

I’m working on a list of some of my favorite fan-fics to share with you. There is so much out there… But first, I wanted to share these links with you. I read both on my laptop and on my tablet (a nifty Samsung Galaxy, which I love!) using various e-reader apps. Scrolling on the laptop just gets to be a bit much, ya know? Plus, it’s much easier to read from the tablet in bed! So I went looking for ways to download various fics so I can read them elsewhere.  Archive Of Our Own, has a built in download feature on stories, allowing you to choose between formats (mobi, which is for Kindle; epbub, pdf or html); most of the other sites don’t offer this feature, which is a shame, since it’s very efficient. Hence, the search for ways to save.

Since a large portion of fan-fiction is archived/posted on Fanfiction.net, finding a way to download those stories was tantamount. (FFN does have a mobile version, but it tends to be too small for me to read.) The site I found, which works most of the time, is Ficsave. It’s dedicated only to FFN, but has issues. When it works, it’s great. As with many of these sites, you simply enter the link of the work you want to download, choose your format, and save.

A better choice for FFN, as well as several other sites is StoryMaster, which works quite well for FFN, Adult Fan Fiction, and a few other sites, is a bit different, in that your result is emailed to you, and then you can download it. The results here are always well done; I’ve not been disappointed yet. I only wish it worked for more sites,

FanFiction Downlaoder has an extensive list of supported sites, including AOO, The Hex Files, FFN, Literotica, Fiction Press, and Trek Universe. As with many others, it will not work on stories from LiveJournal.

Squee!book is a site which supposedly turns a website into something more along the lines of an actual book. You have to load each chapters link of multi-part stories (from some sites) one by one, which is a huge pain in the ass.  And there are still some large bugs, not least of which is the fact that even after loading all of those, they don’t always transfer, and your work is for naught. However, on some sites, it works perfectly well; user be warned.

Online-Convert is a multi-use site, which offers file conversion of all types. Audio, video, image, document, and ebook. I use the ebook converter all the time. It is especially handy for those Live Journal stories, when my only option is to cut and paste. A pdf document is quickly converted into a mobi or epub file, or vice versa.

I’ve also used an app called dotEpub, a software that allows you to convert any webpage to an epub with one click. Unfortunately, it does not work with LiveJournal.

All of these are free sites, although a few offer upgrades. Good luck!

Love-fan-fiction

addiction · books · Drarry · fanfiction · Fun · happy · Harry Potter · Internet · nerd · reading · Sherlock Holmes · slash · Sookie Stackhouse · True Blood

Fan-fiction Has Stolen My Brain

I am not sure exactly when, but sometime before Christmas, I began reading Harry Potter fan-fiction online. Primarily, Drarry  and other slash fictions. And I’ve not stopped since. My brain, my life, my time, has been taken over… Love-fan-fiction

I hear some of you asking “WTH is she talking about? Slash? Drarry?” In fandom terms, Slash is “a type of fic, often written by women, involving romantic or sexual involvement between two characters of the same gender. The term originates from early Star Trek fandom, namely “Kirk/Spock” stories — the term “slash” comes from the slash (/) placed between the names of the characters involved”.  Drarry is the pairing of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, combining their names.

What, exactly is the point of all of this? I have no idea. As I said, my brain has been invaded, stolen, by fan-fics. I’m alternately deeply enthralled by wonderful writing and great stories, some with truly excellent sex scenes, and highly annoyed by poor grammar, atrocious spelling and the worst romances I’ve seen. And I have read some bad romance novels in my time, people.

What amazes me each time I go onto FanFiction.net or Archive Of Our Own to look for new stories is how many are out there. How many people are writing about the things they love, creating worlds where the characters they love do all sorts of things. Where Sherlock and The Doctor have tea, or The Monkees hang out with Mozart. Worlds where the cast of Harry Potter interacts with the Twilight gang, or Sookie & Eric are running away from Buffy. True, some of the stories are awful, but that’s a risk you take when reading anything new. And I’m having fun. Isn’t that what matters?

Besides, I kinda like the idea of Sherlock & The Doctor being friends. Makes perfect sense to me…