This morning, I watched a couple of episodes of a Roku original series called ‘Dishmantled,’ because it stars Tituss Burgess. He was the highlight of ‘Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,’ with his outrageous style and bizarre songs, so I thought I’d give this show a gander. ‘Dishmantled’ is a very odd game show that places two cooks, dressed in hazmat suits, in a clear tube, then shoots an unknown dish at them from a cannon. They then taste, feel and smell (their eyes are covered) what has been splattered across them like paint on a Jackson Pollock canvas, and try to figure out, then cook it. Whoever gets closest to the actual dish wins $5000.

I couldn’t decide if it was cool or disgusting.

Apparently the universe thought it was nifty enough to recreate on a smaller scale in my own kitchen just a few hours later, when I didn’t get the lid to my Blender Bottle shut all the way, and ended up with strawberry smoothie splattered all over my face. And shirt. And in my hair. And on the floor. And wall. Bright red splashes everywhere- it looked like a crime scene! It was gross. My shirt was soaked- I had to take it off in the kitchen so I could clean up. And there I was, topless, with a mop in my hand, when the maintenance man knocked on the front door.

I grabbed my robe & answered the door. He’d been doing repairs in the apartment next door, and heard me holler, he said. Wanted to make sure everything was okay. The bright red splotches across my face & up into my hair alarmed him….until I told him the whole story. And then he laughed so hard he cried.