Welcome to my little slice of hell. My body, such as it is, seems intent on trying to kill me, putting me in enormous pain day after day. Constant headaches, muscle spasms/aches, joint pain, and lately trouble breathing. My health has kept me from doing much of anything– besides reading and trawling the net, viewing the odd video or movie. I don’t have the energy or desire to do more than that. Sleeping, showering, eating–even these seem like insurmountable tasks on most days. If I manage to get out of my jammies and into actual clothes, I count the day a success! Frankly, all I really want these days is a good massage, someone to run my errands or drive me around on the few days I am able to leave the house, a nice pedicure, and that elusive snack I cannot ever find when I want it. Seems as if there is never ice cream in the house when I need it. I love ice cream. It always helps. I think heaven, besides having lots of books, cats and coffee, will have endless ice cream shops, wide varieties of flavors in waffle cones. Give me a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Cheesecake Brownie or What A Cluster, a spoon, and I’m happy!
I refuse to feel sorry for myself. While these last two weeks have truly sucked, I realize that my problems are tiny, next to those of others. There are folks out there dealing with cancer (my sister), and MS or Parkinson’s, or a wide variety of other things. I keep hearing Michelle in my head, saying “Suck it up, Buttercup!” Good advice, some I need to take. My life is not over just because I’m in pain. Not sure when or why I became this scared wimp, stuck in her room, hiding out from the world, but I do not like it. As Robert Frost said “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It Goes On.”