Sigh of Relief

It arrived in the mail yesterday, but nobody handed me the envelope until this afternoon. A big ol’ manila envelope from the Department of Human Services, Seniors and People With Disabilities in Salem. First-Class mail. As soon as Dad handed it to me, I started to shake, knowing that my future was in there.

“We are writing to let you know that we have made a decision on your disability hearing.”

So, yeah, what did you decide already!!

“We find that your disability did not end. Therefore, your benefits will continue.”


And I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. Huge. A weight dropped from my shoulders. If I’d had a bottle of champagne, I’d have been popping corks. I did start to giggle when I read this line:

“If you disagree with this decision, you have a right to appeal.” Yeah, I’m going to appeal the decision that says I get to keep my medical benefits. The decision that says I don’t have to start pounding the pavement looking for a job that would likely put me back into the hospital. The decision that says I will continue to get the measly checks that may allow me to be independent now. Sure, I thinks I’ll argue with that. (sarcasm font needed!)

As of now, the future begins. No more being in limbo, no more saying “well, once I know..” I know now, and now I can move forward. To where, I am not entirely sure, but I know it is beyond these four walls. A place of my own, a new life. If that is here in Portland, or in New Mexico, I don’t know yet. At least I now know I can go!