medication · seizures

Hearings Hell, or, Another Week In Limbo

I’ve been on Social Security Disability since 2009, and last year I was informed my benefits were being terminated. See, I’m epileptic, and have fibromyalgia, major depression and chronic migraines, but since I’d gone 18 months without a seizure, they decided I was cured! (Cue “The Hallelujah Chorus” sung by flying cherubs!) Yeah. As if something I’ve been dealing with every day of my life for THIRTY FUCKING YEARS is just gonna go away. I filed an appeal, and asked for a hearing. Tons of paperwork, four different medical exams (their doctor, their shrink, my GP, and my neurologist) later, a hearing was finally scheduled. That hearing was today.
Of course, I have a nasty cold, and go in to see the hearing guy (he told me his title, but I cannot remember it for the life of me) carrying my cough drops & hankie and smelling of Vapo Rub.
The hearings guy (HG) is a hottie, obviously former military, still got that hair cut, and tall!! Big shiny gold wedding ring on his finger tells me someone else thinks he’s hot, too. And he was compassionate, asked good questions, and really listened to the answers. Together we went through my medical records, and talked about my work history. I told him about how sometimes the pain is so bad I cannot lift a coffee cup; sometimes even wearing clothing hurts. That I have a difficult time focusing or remembering, will find myself standing in a room with no idea why I am there. I lose track of words, much in the same way a person with dementia does, and will struggle to name something I’ve known the name of my entire life. Imagine standing in the kitchen knowing you want a donut, but being totally unable to think of that word.
The HG listened to my side, and asked my sister a few questions, and then we were done. He will have a determination for me sometime next week.
Waiting has been hell, and now I get to wait some more. All I want is a decision, one way or the other. The Limbo is a nifty dance; being in limbo, stuck in that in between space, well, that sucks.limbo