I have never been what you’d call an outdoorsy person, always preferring to stay indoors, or at least in the shade, with my book, while others are splashing in the pool, or tanning, camping & hiking. I’m perfectly happy to sit around the pool with a frosty beverage (preferably served by a hunky Bruce Willis look-alike!), chatting with friends, laughing at the girl who fell out of her bikini top, or talking about stupid movies we’ve seen. Here I’m comfy, happy, and seldom sweaty.
I’ve spent several summers without the advantages of air conditioning, and that doesn’t bother me much. Since I’m usually about 10 degrees colder than everyone else in the room, I actually prefer things a little warmer. (I wear socks & sweaters year-round, for pete’s sake!) So when someone says to me “Well, there are cool-weather camping & hiking spots,” I say “So what?”
I do not want to hike. I’ll walk to the bus stop, and from there to the bookstore, the library, the cafe, anywhere else I need to go. I’ll walk on the treadmill for my exercise, but I don’t like it! Walking is a form of transportation. If I want to know what’s at the top of that mountain, I’ll read National Geographic.
I do not want to camp. I am a human being living in America in the 21st Century; there is no need for me to live in a hut, to pee in the woods, to sleep on the ground. Unless you are Jeff Probst, and I’m gonna get a million bucks at the end, I don’t really want to play in the woods! And let’s be honest, 20 seasons of watching people suffer on Survivor hasn’t done a lot to change my mind.
Cement ponds are a whole other subject. I’m not a great swimmer, and in fact, my one big fear involves fast-moving water. I’m not scared of pools, though, just shopping for a swimsuit. I’d say it’s been five years since I’ve owned one; last summer, for my one foray into the pool, I wore shorts and a t-shirt! I can’t spend this entire summer on the sofa, and I like to be dressed appropriately, so I’ll be buying a swimsuit soon. I won’t like it, and may not even look at myself in those dressing room mirrors–I’m sure they’re circus castoffs!–but I will get in the water.
I still won’t hike, or sleep on the ground. But I’ll swim. So, can we shut up and have a summer now?